I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
