K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
