Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
