Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
