You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
