i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
