so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
