Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize