Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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