Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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