Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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