I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
