We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
