even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
