I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
