I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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