at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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