My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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