I accidentally had phone sex last night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
