Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
