just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I came so hard my ears popped.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
