my sisters under your porch take her home
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
