So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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