Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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