Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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