I'm gonna have a badass scar
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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