I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
