My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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