I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A bitchslap is in order.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
