Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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