Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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