I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
