im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize