are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
