How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't deserve a penis
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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