I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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