I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize