Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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