If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
