you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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