Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
