Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
