Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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