it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
