Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just cut my nipple shaving
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
