My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
