hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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