just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
