A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
