I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
