New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
