that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
