yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
