Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
