Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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