i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
