She's JV to your varsity
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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