Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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