It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
