Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The ass gains better be worth it
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