guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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