I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize