some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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