if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
