new low.... made out with someone while peeing
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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