hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
