He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
