he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize