Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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