So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
