jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
