I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize