I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
