Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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