Pants 0. Shit 1.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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