The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize