He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Oh god it's open bar.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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