he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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