guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
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