Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
