my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
