his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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