my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
