I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
