bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
