When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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