Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
