No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
