a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
