I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
