this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize