i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
