I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
