I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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