can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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