I love black thongs
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
