I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I love you.
Bad choice
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